Waiting for You
by Omittchi
Summary: My first FY fic. Tasuki thinks about his feelings for Tamahome while stargazing. YAOI!!! Please R


Author's Note: I'm feeling dark again, so yaoi warning and I don't own anything except that one   
character that belongs to me named Kanri, I also own Ina and Genki. I made them up by myself so  
dammit they're mine. Unless someone wants to give me millions of dollars and an all expense paid  
trip for four to Japan. FY belongs to Yu Watase and others, but mostly her I think. @_@  
  
  
Waiting For You  
  
Tasuki sighed to himself as he looked up at the night sky. The entire Suzaku thing was  
  
getting to be a pain. Miaka did nothing but whine about Tamahome, and Tamahome did nothing but  
  
whine over Miaka and make his life miserable. At this very momment they were two people Tasuki  
  
could do without. But then again.....life without Tamahome wouldn't be as fun. A small part of  
  
Tasuki liked Tamahome a lot, liked him enough to consider the annoying ghost a true friend. It   
  
was this part that also realized he liked Tamahome enough to love him. That's what all the   
  
fighting was for. Tasuki wanted attention, Tamahome's attention. The attention that the handsome  
  
warrior wasted on a whiny little priestess from another world. The clouds were slowly begining to  
  
drift out of view, revealing stars and the seven constellations that hung in the night sky. One  
  
constellation in particular caught Tasuki's attention causing the flame red head to frown and   
  
turn his head away. Tamahome's constellation was burning brightly in the night sky, it's radiance  
  
all but hiding the other six. Tasuki silently wiped away a tear and turned his attention back to   
  
the stars. This was as close to revealing his feelings to Tamahome as he'd ever get.  
  
"Hi Tama." he said, looking up at the constellation. "I know we fight a lot and that I'm probably  
  
not your favorite person at the momment, but just hear me out. You can't run cuz you're a   
  
constellation, but hell I ain't tellin the real one nothin'! Well Tama, I love ya. I know you   
  
don't feel the same way and can't cuz of Miaka, but that's okay. I don't mind. I just want you   
  
to be happy. That's it. Ya know when Koji confessed this ta me I freaked out. I guess I just got   
  
scared, I never expected him, or anyone else really, to feel that way about me. He said I was the  
  
prettiest bandit he'd ever seen. That's changed now. Some kid just joined and Koji thinks he's  
  
the best. I guess that's for the best though, cuz I love you most. I know you don't want to hear  
  
it, if you were really here you'd have the same look on your face I had when Koji had this talk  
  
with me. But this is different, this is me wanting to give myself only to you. if I could have   
  
one wish to myslef it'd be that for just one momment you'd look at me the way you look at her.  
  
Just once, so I could memmorize it and lock it away in my heart forever. But hey, if you're happy  
  
then I'm happy. I'll always just love you from afar." He stretched his arm out towards the  
  
glittering constellation as he desperately fought back tears that threatened to tear down his   
  
defences. He quickly pulled back his hand, as if it had been slapped away, and clutched at his  
  
heart. "God," he whispered, "Is this what it feels like to be Nuriko? To love someone from afar  
  
all your life and never let them know. To stand in the background guarding them with your love  
  
only to be hurt and looked over again and again as you wait to be noticed? God it hurts. It   
  
fucking hurts like hell."   
  
"Yeah," a soft almost feminine voice said, "That's about right. That's exactly what it's   
  
like to be me." Tasuki's eyes widened as he looked around the empty room trying to locate the   
  
intruder.   
  
"Tasuki-chan, out here." Nuriko said peeking into his room through a window, "So you do   
  
love him, ne? I thought so, you're just so easy to read." Nuriko said, smiling when he saw   
  
Tauki's reaction.   
  
"WHAAAAT!? HOW MUCH DID YOU HEAR?!" Tasuki demanded half-hanging out the window.  
  
"Not too much, just the very end, but I know who you're talking about."  
  
"You were spying on me weren't ya?!"  
  
"Nope, Tama-chan and I were just walking by and happened to overhear you."  
  
"WHAT!? T-Tamahome!?"  
  
"Yep, but don't worry he didn't hear much, and even if he did, he has no clue who you're talking   
  
about. You really need to calm down Tasuki-chan."  
  
"B-but how did you manage to hear all that?"  
  
"Oi Tasuki-chan, you're so loud it doesn't take much to hear you, even when you whisper."  
  
"Dammit. If you heard then let me ask you something."  
  
"Sure, Tama-chan's gone now, ask away."  
  
"If it hurts so damn much, then why keep doing it. WHy should either of us even bother with them,  
  
we know it'll just lead to more pain for us."  
  
Nuriko sighed as he looked up at the red head. "Are you sure you want to hear this? It's going to  
  
be very long and probably boring."  
  
"As if anything you say isn't."  
  
Nuriko laughed a little and feigned hurt before he continued. "Because we love them. No matter   
  
what happens to us in the future we're in it for love. Hotohori-samma can ignore me and step  
  
all over me as much as he likes, but I'll always love him. I'll always protect him with this love  
  
I have. It's the same with you and Tamahome. You and I aren't all that different, well, scratch   
  
that, I'm waaaaaay prettier than you'll ever be, but our situations are the same. The most   
  
important things in our lives is the person we love, and that person doesn't even know we exist.  
  
I really should hate Miaka more than I do for what she's done to me and what she's doing to   
  
Hori-samma, but I can't. I know it tears you a part each and every time she hurts Tama-chan like  
  
that, but there's nothing you can do about it. He loves her and she loves him to some extent.  
  
I guess the answer to your question is because it hurts. If it hurts, then it's sincere. If you  
  
can love someone so much you'd die for them, then it must mean something. If you love someone so  
  
much that you'd give them up for their own hapiness, then it has to be true. You only get one   
  
chance in life to be with the one you love. That's why we do it, because even though it hurts,  
  
we know it's the real thing. Even though they don't love us like we love them, this is our one  
  
and only chance to be with them in any way. We're the Suzaku Seven, we could die at any minute,  
  
we haven't the time to openly chase each other. Things were a lot different before Miaka came, I  
  
had that time to chase Hori-samma. Those days are gone now. We do it because we want to love them  
  
from afar. Because, we hope, one day they will notice us, and they'll repay out love tenfold!"  
  
This last part was meant to sound encouraging for the younger seishi, but Nuriko's tears had  
  
gotten the best of him, leaving his little speech to sound more like a wish than a reality that  
  
had yet come to be.  
  
"Face the facts Nuriko! That's never gonna happen! It's gonna hurt like hell forever! I'm  
  
always gonna feel like this, nothing will ever change, because they love each other. I hate just  
  
standin by and loving him this much from afar! It hurts too damn much to just wait around for   
  
him to notice me. I do love him, with all my heart, but it's never gonna happen. Things don't  
  
work out that way. He'd be disgusted if he ever found out about this. I'll make sure I never get   
  
hurt again." Tasuki said as he wiped away fresh tears. Unlike Nuriko, he couldn't dream of a   
  
possible future with his only love. Then again, Nuriko could never really be with Hotohori. The  
  
emporer of Konan needed an heir and, unless Suzaku intervened somehow, men couldn't have babies.   
  
"No good can ever come from something that hurts this much."  
  
"No, Tasuki! You're not listening! It's not good to lock your heart away. Love is a good  
  
thing, you should treasure it. Don't give up on your love because you think it's hopeless. Good  
  
things can happen if you believe they will." Nuriko said, more than a little hurt by Tasuki's  
  
outburst, but trying not to show it. "Love will find a way. Love is what makes us human."  
  
Tasuki looked at Nuriko and nodded. The older boy was right, of course, but what good was  
  
it. Love was a good thing, but it wouldn't make the pain go away. If anything, love was the cause  
  
of all the pain. Tasuki sighed and bid Nuriko a goodnight, thanking the violet haired bishounen  
  
for his help and advice. He'd recall this conversation months later, after the only other person  
  
who knew his pain had died. He'd look back and wonder just what good Nuriko's feelings for   
  
Hotohori were. In the end, they hadn't saved him. In the end, he and his one true love weren't  
  
together. But, then he'd wonder whether or not Hotohori chose Houki because she resembled the   
  
woman Nuriko had wanted to be for him. She and Nuriko were very different in character, but   
  
similiar in both looks and feelings for Hotohori. Either way, Houki reminded Tasuki of Nuriko.  
  
Like Nuriko, Houki loved Hotohori with all her heart but she never gained his. Things like this  
  
really made Tasuki question the point of love, but times like these also made him remember what  
  
Nuriko had said. Smiling sadly to himself he holds out his hand to the stars. "I'll be   
  
waiting for you, Tamahome. I'll always wait for you."  



End file.
